Save your emotional energy!
A big problem I often see in groups and teams at work is when someone jumps to conclusions about what a colleague means or intends with their words or actions - yet are mistaken! So, they continue to interact with that person without realising that they’re potentially misinterpreting their behaviour. Here are some examples I’ve heard in my recent work with teams:
• Rachelle: “She didn’t have the decency to call me back”
• Zaira: “He really let me down”
• Jonah: “They always completely ignore me”
These examples demonstrate a very human tendency to take things personally, take offence, become indignant and interpret someone else’s behaviour as if it’s a personal affront.
This is sometimes known as the Ladder of Inference, or Confirmation Bias. When people make up a story in their mind about what someone’s behaviour means, it’s very damaging to group and team dynamics. It can result in what feels like a Soap Opera at work - sometimes like a box set series with endless episodes!
Is this something you recognise?
Consider for a moment how much emotional energy it drains from you when you’re constantly second-guessing what people’s behaviour means about you; making up the stories in your mind about his, her or their intentions. It can become emotionally exhausting as well as resulting in unpleasant, stressful and unhealthy dynamics in teams. So, what’s an alternative? Below is something to try. It will save you an immense amount of emotional energy and possibly a great deal of time, too.
Neutral Thinking is an approach which draws on the work of Eckhart Tolle. It involves consciously and deliberately choosing an alternative way of considering an interaction, rather than jumping to the Soap Opera version. It focuses less on interpreting, assuming and inferring someone’s meaning and more on asking What Actually Happened?
Bring to mind something someone has said or done this week which you found difficult or uncomfortable. What is your Soap Opera version of this? And what difference does it make when you shift into Neutral Thinking about it?
Here’s what a Chief Executive client of mine told me when she and her team adopted Neutral Thinking into their Executive Team.
“This stuff works! I used Jeanne’s activity on Neutral Thinking today when facilitating a workshop for a leadership team. It was excellent. ”
Download the Neutral Thinking activity here, along with other practical resources
If you’d like guidance on using Neutral Thinking to save precious energy in your work or with your team, more details are in The Culture Trap - available here. The book is packed full of tried-and-tested activities to enhance your relationships, influence and culture at work.
And if you’re curious about the benefits your team could get from bespoke team development, contact me for a confidential conversation.